The Girl With The Broken Spirit

Happiness, Love and Light

course forgiveness piece

I finally heard it.

The exact words that describe what happened to me when I was a little girl.

“My spirit got broken.”

When I heard someone say those words the other day, a whole new world of pain opened up for me when I realized that it was exactly it, the perfect description to what started my journey into darkness.

I was this innocent light with so much happiness, so much joy and such a trusting nature.

I could do anything, talk to anyone, love everyone….I was full of life.

Then at the age of 7, fear entered into my life and I slowly started to disappear and disconnect from the fiery spirit I was born with.

Being a sensitive soul from the beginning, I could always feel everything around me, the negative energy, the positiver energy and hated the feeling when any sort of conflict would arise.


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Vulnerability isn’t my favourite state to be in. I dislike being vulnerable because I have a mental concept of myself as someone above weakness. Of course I have lots of weaknesses but I don&…

Source: Vulnerability


Major Depressive Disorder, Severe Generalized Anxiety/Panic Disorder, and PTSD.

I’ve been diagnosed with all of the above.

Recently I spoke to my new general practitioner about me trying cannabis as a treatment for PTSD which he has no problem with since it is one of the diagnosis that have been added to the small list of those that qualify medical marijuana in the state of New Jersey. All I need to do is call my psychiatrist and have him fax over my chart. To my surprise my psychiatrist neglected to list PTSD as part of my diagnosis so now I won’t be able to try cannabis as part of my treatment.

Besides having debilitating mental illness it was also discovered back in 2003 that I had a psuedo tumor behind my left eye which was pushing my eye out of the socket, that along with other physical ailments. I was treated and sent to Johns Hopkins to see one of the top Rheumotologists in the field and promptly diagnosed with a very rare autoimmune disease known as Wegener’s Granulomatosis which is now known as Granulomatosis with polyangiitis (GPA).

I went through years of treatment which saved my eye and put me in remission but during the time of treatment and testing my doctor also discovered that I had Fibromyalgia, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Sjogrens Syndrome, and Raynaud’s disease. What all of this boils down to is that I have been living in constant unrelenting pain since the beginning of the millennium.

I have been doing some research on the medical benefits of cannabis on anxiety, chronic pain and autoimmune disease and although there hasn’t been enough money raised for thorough scientific testing many people suffering have had excellent results using marijuana in conjunction with their prescription medication and some have been able to stop taking all or some of the evil pharmaceuticals that the doctors have no other recourse than to prescribe.

I will have to either go back to my physiatrist who doesn’t take insurance and charges $300.00 a visit or find a new one and start all over which I dread because that will trigger my mental illness.

I don’t like getting high which is kind of the irony of this quest that I’m on but I’m so desperate for relief that I am willing to deal with the unwanted effects of the THC if it is successful in easing my pain



Why even insured Americans struggle to get mental health care

It’s the first day of enrollment season for the Affordable Care Act. But when it comes to mental health, even those with insurance struggle to get affordable care. Special correspondent April Dembosky and Sheraz Sadiq of KQED meets a mom who faces misinformation, long waitlists for therapists and prohibitively expensive care for her son with autism and herself.

Source: Why even insured Americans struggle to get mental health care